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On regretting


Lately, as I had a lot of time to think about where I want to be in the future, I questioned how I got where I am and fell into the trap of asking the 'what if..' questions.

What if I had never quit university? What if I had stayed in India, worked for an NGO? What if I was still working and living in my hometown? What if I went to live with my uncle in Australia?
Looking objectively at my life right now it's pretty sobering: At 25, I have no degree, I work as an intern, I am underpaid and still not quite sure where I will be living in about 3 months.

There are few people I trust enough to consult them when I'm in doubt and in the past I have been guilty of fighting my battles alone and in quiet. I am a bad audience for advice and even if I will listen to it, it's wasted on me. That's why I could spend days thinking about what would happen if I could go back in time.
Fact is I cannot.

Not all of my decisions were wise or right choices, but they brought me exactly where I should be, to an underpaid internship that makes my heart cry with happiness each day, to a place where I can sit in the sun and reflect, to a home I share with one of the most loving people I have ever met.
I needed this time to grow and deal with my parents' illnesses, to quit being someone I didn't like very much to find out what kind of person I want to be. And become that person.

I have very little in common with the girl who quit university and flew off to India over 3 years ago, but I thank her for listening to her heart despite everyone telling her not to.
And I can assure you my heart turned out to be an excellent counselor ever since.

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